I have to say that parents, friends, and acquaintances ask me all the time what they can do to help their kids do well in school. This is the quintessential question for all parents. The irony of it all is that when I inform them of some of the simple things that they can do at home, many times the parents agree with what I tell them and inform me that they already do it. However, in reality, they don’t do it with their own children at all. It isn’t that they don’t want to help their children; it seems that life gets in the way of their intentions on a day to day basis. For this reason, I thought that I would write down only 3 things that parents can do to begin to help their children be successful in and out of school. I do this with the hope that if I stayed simple, then it would be easy to implement daily despite what life throws your way.
1. Be positive. Children at all ages need to feel loved, valued, and proud of what they do and who they are. Celebrate their victories, their work, and their ideas. Keep your criticisms, your concerns, or insecurities about their accomplishments in school to yourself. You should be your children’s advocates, cheerleaders, role-models, and guides. They need to feel that you are a part of their team and their world. Self-esteem is hard enough to come by, so be sure that you add to their feelings of self-worth rather than subtract from them.
If you feel the need to criticize or correct, then use my rule of thumb. Give 3 positives remarks or comments before you provide 1 negative. And, make the criticism about 1 particular behavior or 1 skill that needs improvement. This way, your child will understand what needs to improved and can focus his/her energies in the right way. This rule of thumb will enable your child to still feel good about what he/she has accomplished and what he/she knows while he/she works to improve the specific behavior or skill. Remember, children blossom with care, and love, not with disapproval and neglect.
2. Listen to your children. This may seem too simplistic, but it is something that isn’t done enough, especially in our every-increasing technologically connected world. Parents always seem to be connected to their computers, TV, or phones more than to their own children. It is vital that your children feel that you are a part of their lives and that you are interested in them and their activities in and out of school. So, be there! Turn off your machines and listen to them. Ask questions and listen. And, wait for a response because many times it doesn’t come when you ask. If there isn’t anything that your child wants to say, then you talk about your day, your thoughts, and your dreams, whatever—model the conversation for them. It is important that your children feel that they have parents that can and do take the time to put them first to listen and be there for them. It isn’t hard to do, it doesn’t cost a thing, and it can change not only your relationship with your children, but their attitude toward you and toward school.
3. Read, read and read some more. I can’t tell you how much research indicates that the activity of sitting down and reading with your children helps them in myriad ways. While I know that I’m not the first to say this, I can’t reiterate it enough. 30 minutes a day out of your busy schedule to sit down and read to or with your children CAN make all the difference in the world. Now this doesn’t mean that you should send your kids to the couch and have them read while you listen peripherally and watch TV or talk on the phone at the same time. No, that doesn’t and won’t help. This means that all other outside activities shut down for that small amount of time and you and your child dedicate yourselves to reading and being together. Not only will kids’ reading skills improve, but their vocabulary, their knowledge of the world, their understanding of story elements and structure, their ability to concentrate, their questioning skills, their comprehension skills will too. To top it all off, your children will feel loved, comforted, and valued all at the same time. How can you resist?
While I’ve outlined 3 simple things to do to help your child succeed, there are others. However, your children’s perception of who they are and what they can achieve is the first step toward academic and social success. Try it, it can only help!